And avoid all those unwanted interactions.

How to get ninja-level good at sorting and screening your online matches. Image: iStockSource:BodyAndSoul

Navigating the bank of potential matches on dating apps can be overwhelming. Certified relationships coach, Anna Swoboda gives her best tips for screening through your online matches to better your chances of finding a love.

It’s said that finding a loving life partner can be like finding a needle in a haystack. We know there are a lot of time wasters on online dating sites. Getting yourself a powerful magnet is a good idea if that's the case. Something that speeds up the sort!

In today’s dating world, that powerful magnet is your skill in sorting and screening potential partners.

As a relationship coach and matchmaker, I teach my clients the skill of screening potential dates. Learning this vital skill will get you higher quality matches whilst giving you the confidence to find what you are looking for without compromising your time.

Like what you see? Sign up to our bodyandsoul.com.au newsletter for more stories like this.

To be a good sorter and screener, you must know what you are sorting and screening for. You must be clear about your vision, life purpose, needs, and wants. In a nutshell, your requirements for a loving, sustainable relationship.

We are all unique and different, but finding someone compatible is a vital foundation for a lasting relationship. This is someone who shares your values and life goals.

The first and most important way to screen out the time wasters and the incompatible online is to design your profile for leading with who you are and what you value the most. If you love adventure, travel, reading, cycling or the gym, or you are a foodie or involved in a charity you love, have photos of you doing that. Write about what matters to you.

Also, don’t be too serious in your profile. Humour gets rated in the top few requirements for both men and women.

Tailoring your profile to like this will encourage much better quality matches.

It's easy to be misunderstood online. Image: iStockSource:BodyAndSoul

Sorting is how you quickly determine if someone you meet online is someone that you would like to get to know offline. You become “the chooser” and decide if you want to take the next step with this person.

Sorting should only take five minutes at a maximum. When reading an online profile and looking at the photos of the person you have chosen, ask yourself: What do their photos and profile say about them? And do they share the same interests and values as me?

Screening is how you get enough information to determine if someone meets your requirements or not. Good screening is realistic and practical; it allows you to avoid getting involved with anyone that does not appear to meet all of your needs. Screening can occur via telephone calls, e-mails over a week or two, or catching up for a coffee. I always advise my clients to do the first in-person meeting as a coffee during the day, for no longer than 45-minutes.

The goal of sorting and screening is to quickly “screen out” as many potential candidates as possible rather than “screen in” by being nice, inclusive, spare feelings and giving second and third chances.

The goal of sorting is to quickly screen out as many candidates as possible. Image: iStockSource:BodyAndSoul

This is where most of us go wrong in dating; we don’t know our requirements, or when we do, we don’t stick to them. Know who you are, understand your requirements and screen out. By doing this, you will avoid lots of time wasting and disappointment.

I always encourage my clients not to settle down but rather settle up.

In screening, you are collecting information, usually self-reported. If you decide to go forward, you will have the opportunity to test this self-reported information over time. Then as you get to know them, you can confirm that your requirements will be met before you decide to become exclusive or enter a pre-committed relationship.

Start with a little small talk. Once you have built up consistent communication, share something important about yourself relating to your requirements, for example, “I’m passionate about personal development and have been listening to a great podcast”. Observe their reaction; do they pick up on your interest or not?

Then, inquire about them. You can ask, “what is your life dream? Do you have a dog? Do you travel much” or ask, “What suburb do you live in?” You can find out a lot about a person by asking these questions.

You can find out if a person is compatible with you, or not, by asking personal questions. Image: iStockSource:BodyAndSoul

If things aren't promising after five minutes of conversation, gracefully disengage.

Disengaging online can be more direct, such as saying something like: “I have enjoyed talking with you; however, I don’t think we have enough in common to pursue things further. My very best wishes.”

Compared to offline statements that can be a little more casual: “Excuse me, it’s been good to meet you. I’m on my way to find a friend that’s waiting for me."

If things are promising, you can keep going deeper, adding another of your requirements or passions to the conversation and digging further into theirs. It’s like a game of bingo; if you keep landing on shared interests and values, keep playing. From here, you can then take the next step and meet offline.

Evening dates can lead to expectations. I advise my clients never to go to dinner straight away with someone they’ve met online. Instead, have a coffee or go for a walk together first, during the day, and keep it short.

Also, never drink alcohol on a first date. From my own experiences and my clients, I can tell you that alcohol impairs judgment. All my dating regrets (and there were a few) included alcohol.

Meeting for coffee or a walk is a significant opportunity to deepen your screening. There will be lots of cues that you will be able to pick up on at a coffee date. Some include their tardiness, dress style, attractiveness, and ability to converse.

When it comes to the conversation, be purposeful to learn more about them and your compatibility, life vision, shared values and interests.

Think of this as an exchange of information, where you kick things off each time, sharing some of your requirements (and gauge their reaction) and inviting them to share what’s important to them. If you do it that way, it doesn’t feel like grilling. It’s more of a natural, open conversation. But it can give you everything you need to know quickly, to help you sort and screen for your needle of love in the proverbial haystack.

Anna Swoboda is a certified relationship coach and the founder of offline dating agency Heart Match. She has been on more than 1000 dates herself to find love and now she helps countless others find their match.

Any products featured in this article are selected by our editors, who don’t play favourites. If you buy something, we may get a cut of the sale. Learn more.

A NOTE ABOUT RELEVANT ADVERTISING: We collect information about the content (including ads) you use across this site and use it to make both advertising and content more relevant to you on our network and other sites. Find out about our policy and your choices, including how to opt-out.

bodyandsoul.com.au may receive an affiliate commission if you buy through our links. Learn more

Nationwide News Pty Ltd Copyright © 2022. All times on this site are AEDT ().

Powered by WordPress.com VIP